First of all, let me make it clear that the purpose of this entry is not for pity. I don't want pity. The purpose is to vent, and as a bonus explain why I've been relatively inactive online for the past few months. Also: I'm okay right now. I can't promise that I will be a minute from now, an hour from now, or any amount of time from now. But right now, I'm okay, and that is what matters.

I'm typing this during a "strong" point that occurred after a "weak" point. These ups and downs have been happening for approximately the past four months. I suppose this would have been occurring anyway (to a much lesser degree) because this is my last summer before I move away to college. I wish I could say that's all I have to fret over.

To make a long story very, very short, my father moved out about four months ago, with virtually no contact to my mom or myself. A divorce is currently in the works. Some things that had happened in the past that at least made me see something coming, but nothing could have prepared me for his lack of compassion for this family.

Once the divorce is settled, my mom will be moving out of the town that I have known for 17 out of 19 years. I know that this will be for the better, for both of us. However, that doesn't stop the pain that is being caused by the thought of leaving behind people and places that are familiar to me. I also know that it doesn't mean that I will never be able to see them again. But one thing that I've never coped with well is change. This is, perhaps, childish of me. A weakness.

What's making it worse is that compared to the past few summers (which seemed almost boringly slow near the end), this summer has gone by faster than I can register. I feel like it should still be early June, and yet it's been July for over a week now. I've been getting an unsettling impression in my mind, both as words and as a raw feeling.

"I'm running out of time."

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